I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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