I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
