Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
