He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
