in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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