he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
