if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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