i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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