It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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