If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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