love makes seman taste better
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize