i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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