Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
