She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's like iHOP with fire
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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