Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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