just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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