I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
