dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
