Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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