I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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