Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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