I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
