she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
