And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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