i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
