mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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