Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize