He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
