pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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