We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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