i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
