My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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