K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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