I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
