Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
