Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
