I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
