You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
