hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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