fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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