I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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