Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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