Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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