What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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