i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
