i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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