Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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