She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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