grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
50% drunk capacity currently
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
