Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
