It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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