U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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