did you get engaged???
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want to make out with him forever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
