We're like a lot better than the average bears
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
