Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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