I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize