GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
