i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
