I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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