I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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