Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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