You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
