Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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