8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
