I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, beer. Big fan.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
