So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love you. Go after that dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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