The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
