never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
