Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
