they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
