I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
