Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
