so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
