Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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