I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I smell like Dick and happiness
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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